We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
PANTIES FOUND
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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