The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
