I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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