I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
