so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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