It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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