My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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