Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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