so let's talk penis.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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