He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
