I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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