I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
