she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
