I wish I only lived at night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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