do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I AM VODKA MAN
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
