I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
