Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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