just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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