Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
