Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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