your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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