we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
