I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
