I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
