My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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