Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
