Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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