I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I pour the whiskey from now on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
