last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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