I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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