umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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