I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
