On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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