Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
