so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
