Cold hands, warm shart.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
