why didn't you poke me back
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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