Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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