The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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