watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize