apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
