walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
