i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
