just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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