All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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