He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
