How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
