I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
