I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
