its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
