Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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