ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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