what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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