Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
