The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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