tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
