and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
