I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hippo gnu deer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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