i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
