He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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