you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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