If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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