I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
