Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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