Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
