Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
