she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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