I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
