Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did i just pee glitter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
