Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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