My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
