Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
