i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I party with great urgency now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
