That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
