Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
