This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize