It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
