batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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