So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
