I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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