this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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