Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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