I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
