Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
