I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
