forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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