Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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