She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
