why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
