what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
