You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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