you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
