you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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