Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
