you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
