You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
