This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
